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Yo, UANM Poll Four calling

Here we go again on our own…wait that doesn’t make sense, we’re not alone. I have all of you, my hopeful voters. You know how to work a poll, let’s get your thoughts. What will I watch!?!?!

You have until the Midnight December 5th. Let’s do this.

Trailer Dump post: https://upallnightmovies.com/poll-4-trailer-dump/

Poll

Movie Choice 4

What is the fourth movie we should cover on Up All Night Movies?

The poll has expired!

Transylvania 6-5000

Are alien creatures using your body for sex while you sleep? No? Does that make you feel inferior and not attractive enough for them? I wouldn’t worry about it, that’s just a sensationalist headline from the tabloid paper that our intrepid heros work at.

First up, we have Ian Malcolm early in his career as a mathematician.

Record scratch

Freeze frame

Jack Harrison: Let me interrupt for a moment our blogger Gilbert to clarify that my name is not Ian Malcolm like he surmised. My name is Jack, and I’m not great with math. However, I am trying to raise the journalistic level of this tabloid, even if that’s against Mac’s orders. Anyways, Just wanted to clarify, continue on with the skewering.

Jack Harrison looks suspiciously like Ian Malcolm. What say you?

Gilbert: What the heck happened here. I felt like I was frozen colder than the space between the legs of an ugly corpse. Anyways where was I? Oh yes, Ian Malcolm before he turned to mathematics, is a journalist trying to raise the integrity of this tabloid with the use of an attractive corpse. It just isn’t going to happen. He’s partnered up with Alan Tyler, who would eventually go on to raise a wimp of a child who only got saved by a “Pagemaster” whatever that is, who sounded suspiciously like Doctor Emmet L. Brown. Don’t know who that is? Look it up.

Record scratch

Freeze frame

Jack again, I don’t know who this Gilbert person is writing all this stuff, but he’s actually kind of accurate here. Is he omniscient about my partner Gil Turner? Is my Gil just a ruse? A cover up to get on the inside? I’m going to return you back to Gilbert and see where this goes.

Yep, still Ian Malcolm looking. What’s your story, Jack?

Gilbert: Damn it, what the fuck is going on? It was so cold again I feel like I could cut up my shirt with nipples as frozen as diamonds. If I shake in the right patterns, It’ll look like I got slashed by Freddie fucking Kruger.

Where was Iā€¦again. So Mac, editor at large is sending Ian and Alan to Transylvania to try and get down to the bottom of the original found footage shot of some locals getting apparently attacked and ravaged by Frankenstein’s monster. If they don’t come back with a story hotter than a supermodel’s corpse, they’re fired.

Would you like to buy a monkey?

Not long after this, our reporters get to Transylvania and start making waves right away. Ian is trying to convince a New Yorker to let him show her the size of his parabola, and Alan is trying to score some information about local monsters with the hotel clerk. Alan is not bright and is immediately made the laughing stock of the entire city. However, this allows us to be introduced to Dr. Walter Jenning, who moonlights as the town Mayor when not trying to murder amphomorphic ducks.

Duck fact

Transylvania 6-5000 was financed by the Dow chemical company in order to spend frozen finances that the company had in Yugoslavia. Thanks Dow Chemicals, we really needed this movie.

People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2021 is skeptical.

Earth girls are easy

It’s around this time in the movie that the freaks of the night start coming out and coming for our intrepid journalists. Alan has attracted the attention of Odette, someone who can bite me any time she wants. This nymphomaniac vampiress is welcome to my bedroom, but somehow she prefers Alan. Chump. Anyways, I’m not jealous at all.

*Shouts off to the side* MA! MA! THE VOODOO DOLL! HOW’S IT COMING ALONG!

*Off camera* I thought you moved out last year, what are you still doing in my house Gilbert?

Regardless, strange things are still afoot in Transylvania. We have vampires, the “Wolfman”, Frankenstein’s monster, a mummy, and a mix of Jekyll, Hyde, and Dr. Frankestein all in one character, depending on where he’s standing. Surely there’s a story worth retaining their job over, here.

Radu, attack!

We really need to talk to the villagers to not rush to judgement so quickly. All of these “monsters” are in truth, misunderstood and bullied and accused of being worse than they actually are.

Frankenstein’s monster? He was in a vicious car accident and had to be put back together. That’s not his fault.

The “Wolfman”, he suffers from hypertricosis and is getting treatment to prevent the excessive hairloss. Before too long he’ll be beach ready.

Then we have the mummy. This is just Ugly Hattie, who took her life in her hands and took steps to recreate herself as Formerly Ugly Hattie.

Formerly Ugly Hattie: Ooh, bazonkers! I never counted on bazonkers. I’m so content.
Radu: You should be.

What about Odette you say? She’s just cosplaying as Carmilla because she thinks she’s ugly and this boosts her confidence. Though she also had a nose job, but you can’t tell.

The long and the short of it, the villagers are just bullies and need to let people be people.

Conclusion

As far as I can tell, Ian and Alan both keep their jobs, despite the truth setting some townspeople finally free.

Final thoughts

Odette, call me, you have the number.

Extras

Sponsor aka Duck Facts

This post was sponsored by Harmless Entertainment, a podcast network who discuss super hero movies, as well as monthly fan-voted movies for their patrons. If you’re a Marvel/DC or superhero fan in general, definitely check them out.

Trailer

Theme song

Streaming Information

TubiTV: https://tubitv.com/movies/475893/transylvania-6-5000

Amazon Prime: https://www.amazon.com/Transylvania-6-5000-Jeff-Goldblum/dp/B07YLDV4GC/ref=sr_1_1

Movie Number 3 Winner

You made your voices heard, and I appreciate you all for that. The third movie that will be covered on the site here is…Transylvania 6-5000!

Poll results

Total votes cast: 18

4th place: Bad Taste with 0 votes

3rd place: Fancypants with 2 votes

2nd place: Sharktopus with 7 votes

WINNER: Transylvania 6-5000 with 9 votes

You know what this means…time to get to watching soon.

Al Right Questions: Jessica Cale

Hello and welcome to “Al Right Questions”, a hopefully ongoing series where I will interview people who I find interesting and worth knowing. These people will have shared interest in all things movies in the styles that we feature here on Up All Night Movies but at absolute minimum, have an appreciation for the films in general.

Our first interviewee is someone that I came to know through the Netflix show “The Lost Pirate Kingdom“. I am a long time fan of pirates and their history and find them fascinating. She was a correspondent on the show helping cover the not always “politically correct” portions of the daily life of the times.

Her name is Jessica Cale. She is a historical fiction author, TV historian, and host of @DrtySexyHistory podcast accompanying the original blog website of the same topic.

With that said, let’s dive into the interview.


UANM: I first learned about your work through Netflix’s “The Lost Pirate Kingdom”. Seeing a byline that said “DirtySexyHistory” is definitely one way to catch my attention. and here we are with what I consider a strong acquaintanceship turning online friendship. Has your appearance on the docuseries show bolstered your social media presence and has it helped create other connections with people?

JC: A little bit! After the show came out, I definitely started getting someā€¦interesting messages. I did make a few genuine friends out of it, like yourself and a couple of other history enthusiasts from different parts of the world, so at least there was something good between all the real people fic and odd genealogy requests. As for social media, I already had a pretty established presence within the Romance community and because of DirtySexyHistory, but the show definitely helped me to reach a broader audience, which I very much appreciate.

UANM: What’s a movie that you think everyone should see but most seem to have never heard of?

JC: Itā€™s not that obscure, but I love The Virgin Suicides. Also Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Theyā€™re probably my two favorites. Iā€™d make everyone watch those.

Author’s Note: Absolutely agree on Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Check it out if you have the chance.

UANM: If you could catch a movie with any figure from your historical backgrounds, who would you pick and what movie would you want to show them?

JC: Thatā€™s a hard question! Probably not the cleverest answer, but Iā€™d watch Wuthering Heights with Emily Bronte, the version with Tom Hardy and Charlotte Reilly. Iā€™d love to hear her take on it. Besides, she died young, and it might be gratifying for her to know her book was adapted into several movies and series. If that ever happened to my books, Iā€™d want to know about it (and Tom Hardy can absolutely star in any of them)

UANM: Which classic horror movie character is your favorite?

JC: You canā€™t beat Bela Lugosi as Dracula. I love him because he weirdly reminds me of my grandpa, who looked a bit like him in his younger years. I also love Vincent Price in absolutely anything.

UANM: You’re a woman of many mediums, all focused around human history, from fiction author, TV historian, blogger turned podcaster. Did you think you would be covering so many areas early in your career or was this a grand plan of yours?

JC: It wasnā€™t a plan, but Iā€™m not really surprised. I have ADHD, and over the years Iā€™ve picked up a lot of skills, useful and otherwise, mainly around publishing, photography, broadcasting, costuming, etc. When I was growing up, all of this was still so hard to get into, so from a very early age, I was like, ā€œFuck it, Iā€™ll figure it out myself.ā€ I started out with a zine, a typewriter, and a tiny photocopying budget. Now itā€™s much easier to publish and build a platform, but in the meantime, Iā€™ve learned to do all of these incredible things, mainly because I have no patience or respect for self-appointed gatekeepers. It worked out, though, and the fact it all focuses on history just reflects that obsession. It could have been music and almost wasā€”I was a music journalist for a few years after I finished my history degree, and I play drums

UANM: If you could take one thing from your daily/weekly routine and never have to worry about it or do it again, what would you choose and why?

JC: Answering emails. It tends to take me all day, so if I want to get any work done, I canā€™t look at them. Not ideal, but people expect responses too quickly now anyway. I have to work at some point! :S

UANM: I’d be a lying to myself if I said you weren’t an early influence on Up All Night Movies becoming a thing. You mentioned that you as well loved these “bad” campy cult movies of yesteryear. Your encouragement has earned DirtySexyHistory a lifetime sponsorship slot. Congratulations. Anyone you would like to thank in relation to this bestowment?

JC: You, of course! And the Academy, etc.

UANM: What are some movie tropes that make you retch every time you see them coming? What are some that make you perk and sit up because you know things are going to get good soon?

JC: Speaking of retching, you ever notice how almost every time a woman vomits in a movie, sheā€™s pregnant? I hate that. Women arenā€™t allowed to be gross unless itā€™s an unsubtle hint about things to come, and even then it only happens once.

For tropes I like, I like Chekhovā€™s Gun. People use it all the time, but itā€™s still not super common knowledge. I use it as a example for my author clients more often than youā€™d think!

UANM: Do you think there’s any correlation between your historical interests and the movie styles that brought us here? Or is it perhaps one of your own ways to escape life for a bit?

JC: Probably! Movies actually got me into history. I loved historical movies and fiction so much while I was growing up that I decided I had to study history in university. I love it when I can get really immersed in another period, and thatā€™s what I try to recreate with my own fiction, and to a point, with the historyā€”I want to give people something they can relate to.

UANM: What’s in the near future for Jessica? Any projects or work you can discuss?

JC: For the time being, Iā€™m mainly focused on the Dirty Sexy History podcast, but Iā€™m hoping to work on my next book over the holidays, which will be the fifth book of my series The Southwark Saga.

UANM: Any final thoughts?

JC: Starting a blog can be daunting at first, but it can also be hugely rewarding. Well done for starting yours, and best of luck at keeping it going! Thanks for having me!


I want to once again thank Jessica for participating in this inaugural interview on Up All Night Movies. I appreciate it and had a great time introducing you, my fine readers, to her. Go give her a follow on Twitter at either @jessicacale or @DrtySexyHistory.

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