The Love Witch

Love me…love me…love me…love me…

That’s what Elaine, love witch, wants and I’ll see what I can do. I haven’t exactly taken any of her potions, that I know of, so I’ll have to settle on my usual fancy beer to get myself that liquid courage. Deity knows I’m not the smoothest person in town.

Regardless, Elaine, love witch, is determined to find a man to love her. Eager, desperate…willing to murder?

Who are you? What are you doing to me?

~ Richard, male victim

I’m the love witch! I’m your ultimate fantasy!

~ Elaine, love witch

Sounds kinky. I’m in, where’s a potion I can drink Elaine, love witch? Where’s my concoction? If anything, can you hook a pseudonym up with a friend? I’m not picky, just desperate myself.

Wiccan Twister sucks when you’re a single love witch.

Back on topic

Erm, well, too much personal revelations aside, in The Love Witch, Elaine, love witch, works her way through multiple males, drugging them, seducing them, doing their taxes for them, braiding their pubic hairs, and just generally trying to find love with them.

She really has no regard for patriarchal issues, and is more than willing to bolster men in their high horses in relationships and society in general. She may be wrong here, but we’ll allow it for the duration of the movie. DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY! I mean, I get that the movie looks like it’s from the 70s, but that doesn’t mean we have to adhere to the norms of the time. This movie is modern, they have cell phones, they have renaissance fairs!

Your coat, it’s so bright!

Elaine, love witch is very persuasive, she’s able to make attractive men approach her with a single gaze from across the park. Just ask Wayne, cabin owner, car sex aficionado, adult baby.

Men are like children. They’re very easy to please as long as we give them what they want.

~ Elaine, love witch
Just working on the garden, adding some new mulch

So the potions and concoctions are working too well already. Wayne is out, he’s dead, buried with a bottle of piss adorning the surface of his grave. He couldn’t handle it, he couldn’t cut the mustard. Elaine, love witch, is on to a new man to make love her.

Griff, he’s the ultimate dreamboat here, beat cop turned sergeant. He gets to meat Elaine, love witch, through being assigned the the case of her murdering people who don’t love her enough. What an idiot. He just gets pulled into the case he’s investigating.

This is just for show, right? RIGHT?

Anyways, Griff and Elaine, love witch, get fake married at the renaissance fair they attend together. I’m pretty sure Elaine, love witch, was considering it a real marriage, and fuck anyone that thought differently.

Final thoughts

Gotta give credit to writer/editor/director/producer/scorer Anna Biller for being willing to put out a movie like this in 2016. I know when I first came across it in streaming platforms, I believed it legitimately was from the 1970s or maybe earlier, and was surprised it’s only 5 years old.

Hoping I can get in contact with Elaine, love witch, soon to see about my dating life.


Sponsor aka Butt Bread

This post was sponsored by the DirtySexyHistory Podcast, episode 16 “Witchcraft, Part One. Women’s Vices”. In this episode, Jess talks about 11th century ideas of witchcraft in penitential literature and reads some of her favorite “women’s vices” from Burchard’s Decretum


Streaming Information

You can find it on Amazon Prime, with ads, at

An amalgamation of Gilbert Gottfried and Rhonda Shear, original hosts for USA Up All Night. Gilbert Shear is a blogcast journalist who manages to enjoy campy, cult, and even bad movies. What better to do with that than create a platform to discuss those movies while honoring the show that celebrated them in years past.

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