Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies

When: 2022-08-14 | Who: Gilbert Shear | How long: 2 minutes | Click to tweet this post

Documentary tagline

He emancipated the slaves… he saved the Union… and slaughtered the undead!

Documentary description

While the Civil War rages on, President Abraham Lincoln must undertake an even more daunting task – destroying the Confederate Undead.

Emancipate this!

History can be hard to write about, especially when it’s newly revealed information to you. This Abraham Lincoln documentary has presented me with information I never learned about in junior high or even high school, and its presenting varying amounts of distrust in our education system in me.

Granted I’m nearing the age of 39, but still. Missed history is missed history.

Screenshot of the production company name who made the movie. — Who knew they didn’t make documentaries.

I literally do not recall ever hearing about Lincoln battling zombies at all…AND BOOTH WAS ACTUALLY TOLD TO SHOW UP AND DO LINCOLN IN? WHAT?

WHAT?!?!

Johnny Boo was told to show up and take Lincoln out to prevent a spread of this zombie virus? If you paid enough attention to the documentary, you know that Lincoln had a history with this virus, so he’s not completely ignorant of what’s going on, and takes up arms, willingly, to face the zombie virus head on. Enough that he knows complete eradication is needed to “cure” it, and there is 100% guaranteed fatality rate for anyone that gets infected. Abe tells no lies.

Most of this docu is really just visuals of Abe and his mini team moving around to various forts, taking zombies out and trying to save what people they can, including an old flame of his who turned to sex work to get by. With her came a daughter, a fellow lady of the night, and a young Teddy Roosevelt.

Various actors standing around, one holding a wounded soldier — Blessed are the sex workers

At some point, they get to a situation where they can make a big boom and take out all the remaining zombies trapped inside a fort.

But it’s all for naught as mentioned above, with Booth getting the assignment of a lifetime.

Picture of actor playing Abraham Lincoln, and an extra, walking through CGI smoke. — Abe deserved real smoke, not this CGI crap.

Conclusion

I am being informed that this movie is a work of badly done fiction, and none of it is true, outside of various names and places. Events that occurred are not guaranteed though. I’m going to go re-evaluate my life. Fuck.

Watch this if you want to make yourself believe you missed out on fake history.

Extras

Trailer

Streaming information

TubiTV: https://tubitv.com/movies/367640/abraham-lincoln-vs-zombies

An amalgamation of Gilbert Gottfried and Rhonda Shear, original hosts for USA Up All Night. Gilbert Shear is a blogcast journalist who manages to enjoy campy, cult, and even bad movies. What better to do with that than create a platform to discuss those movies while honoring the show that celebrated them in years past.

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